This semester I took a class called Interpersonal Communications. When I first signed up for it I didn’t expect anything extraordinary. I was only taking it because it was a gen ed I needed.
The class was life changing. I really noticed how life changing it was when we had our End of Semester presentations this past Tuesday.
Every single person found it to be life changing, therapeutic, and said they’d miss it. I started my speech by telling the class that if every person in the world picked up the skills we learned, the world would be a much better place. They agreed. Part of the reason why this class was so great was because of the teacher – he has had a huge impact on all of us.
Some of the speeches in class on Tuesday night were really moving. There were stories shared about the class’ impact that had the entire class crying. I’m serious. This class was VERY important/moving/inspirational.
Throughout the semester I took a variety of extra notes in the margins – things that my professor said on a whim that really stuck with me. I thought it’d be therapeutic to write these down again and share them.
Things to keep in mind during your day to day life:
- Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (visualize a pyramid) – listed starting from the bottom: Physiological (food, water, etc), Safety, Social, Self-Esteem, Self-Actualization (being the best you can be with the talents you’re given).
- how you think is how you feel.
- the relationship should win… not you.
- don’t let a single moment define you.
- you are not better than anyone else. every person has their own unique knowledge base.
- we communicate to fill our needs.
- if you’re not assertive, your needs aren’t met.
- relationships are formed with people who support our self concept.
- relationships are all about being supportive of each other.
- key to any relationship: keep making a person feel special. why did you ever fall in love with anyone? they paid attention to you. they made you feel special.
- life is change – you change every day in a variety of different ways.
- try to not label feelings – see what it’s like. emotions are only labels.
- managing anger: step back, relax (breathe), think about the goal.
- people need to feel like they have value – this is accomplished through conflict management.
- outcomes to effective conflict management: people feel understood, accepted, valued, committed to a solution, and future conflict management episodes are increase.
These are only scratching the surface. There are many theories, cycles, and guidelines we learned that I’ve committed to memory. Hopefully those small notes made sense without much context. I’m going to continue studying interpersonal communications for as long as I live – it really made me a better person mentally and socially for 99.9% of my relationships (meaning friendships too). I’m not done yet. I want to continue to get better.
Do these things make sense? Any other words of wisdom to share? I’m really interested to know.
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I just took a fascinating and life altering class as well, philosophy for environment and ethics. Two things my teacher stressed: alter life by altering your attitude, and be a better critical thinker in every aspect of your life by being trustful of reason.
Hi Andrew,
Interesting that you included Maslow. One thing you might not realize about his hierarchy is that you cannot skip levels, they must be met in order to move up. For example, if you are hungry or afraid, it is hard to think of anything else until that need is met and resolved. (That’s why some schools offer children breakfast if they think the child won’t get it at home, can’t learn if you are hungry!)
Here are a few life tips that I have kept in mind over the years, that you might also enjoy:
-Stay in your lane.
-It is what it is.
-Accept what is.
-To thine own self be true.
Some of the stuff u wrote makes so much sense! My favorite was ‘relationships are formed with people who support our self concept’
…. Any books to recommend on the subject(interpersonal communications)
They do make sense, and I wish I had a teacher like that! The most important sentence I live by is “Go make your life, not a living”. It’s often really easy to forget that everything you do every day is your LIFE, not just a way to make a career or money. Keep that sentence in mind and you will always stay inspired
Wow, this was an amazing post. Really inspirational. It has definitely gotten me more interested in the subject of interpersonal communications, do you recommend any books? Hopefully my school has a class. Thank you so much for posting this. (:
Wow, that all is really sensible.. I must say Andrew, I’m impressed with your note-taking skills too (among other things
) .. Your teacher seems really smart, and you really lucky to have had him..Good going
I learned about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in my college Psychology class at my college. We learned that the top of the pyramid, Self Actualization, is rarely ever reached. That a very small percentage of the population ever reaches Self Actualization. Most people just stop at Love and Belonging, and some stop at Self Esteem.
I just found that interesting and it has inspired me to try even harder to reach Self Actualization.
Hi there! Love your notes, it is an extremely interesting subject and I`d love some book recommendations as well.
Did your teacher say anything about the “ego”? Because my impression is that most conflicts result from your ego intervening into one`s social behaviour and such.
By the way – just finished listening to your latest Mugglecast #186, two hours wonderfully spent.
Thank you for your awesome work!!
This is the first time I’ve ever commented on your site Andrew but I really really liked that post. Your class and teacher sounds so thought provoking and inspiring. I wish I had a class like that.
My favourite quotes were,
The way you think is the way you feel and…
relationships are formed with people who support our self concept.
They are both really true. Good post and thanks for sharing
oh it made perfect sense to me. in a way i sort of knew all these things already. what i mean is that i’ve read a lot of books. now that doesn’t make me smart in any way but i’ve always made it my duty to think deeply on the way people connect to each other through this medium. I really learned this in junior and senior year of high school through my english teacher. he taught us to look at books that way. i don’t know how many people got that but since i had basically been doing something like that since the beginning (mostly i think because of my dad) it made sense to expand on that. so in a way i came to these same conclusions though not in such a coherent set of “rules”. More just general ideas of the way people work and all that.
This was a REALLY meaningful post, Andrew. While I’ve never taken a class like this, I’ve learned some of those things firsthand, especially about relationships. My parents got divorced 3 years ago after 30 years of marriage because both of my parents were doing the exact OPPOSITE of all those concepts about relationships. Instead of making each other feel special and supporting each other, they got caught up in their own selfish needs, which they didn’t know how to effectively communicate. Now, they’re back together and are working on how to do ALL of that, but through watching them go through this experience, I’ve learned, as well, that these things don’t just apply to romantic relationships, but friendships, as well. It’s definitely taught me how to be a better friend. But anyway, enough with this enormous comment. Glad you enjoyed your class and got so much out of it – it’s great when school actually works the way it’s SUPPOSED to…:)
Thanks, Andrew. That was very eye-opening. Congrats on a semester well-spent.
The idea that stuck with me most is that “the relationship should win, not you.” I think a lot of times in conflicts with people (significant others, friends, parents, siblings, teachers, coworkers, roommates, etc) we focus too much on trying to prove our own point and that we are right. The ultimate goal at the end of the fight/conflict shouldn’t be to get your way or to make the other person feel badly, it should be for both people to come away better understanding the other one’s point of view and have some sort of progress be made so the relationship can continue even better than before. And hopefully a relationship never has to end because of a single conflict.
Also, that part about relationships are formed with people who support our self-concept–is that good or bad? We want to be around people who see us the same way we see us, but shouldn’t we also form relationships with people who challenge our self-concept, either to make us see we are better than we believe we are or to highlight ways we might improve ourselves?
Thanks so much for a thoughtful look into your class. Also, thanks for that SIX HOUR podcast last night. You guys really do go above and beyond for us, and I love you all (from all three podcasts) for it. It was a great way to spend a much-needed break during finals week. Good luck with yours and Merry Christmas!
Thanks for posting these, Andrew. They are really thought-provoking. I agree with Caitlin — “the relationship should win, not you” really stuck with me the most. You were lucky to stumble across a class that will actually stick with you for the rest of your life.
Andrew,
Thank you for posting this. Just reading these things made an impact on how I look at things, so I can’t even imagine what the class itself must have been like.
Wow, this is really meaningful. It sounds like that class was one of those things in your life that is set apart from the rest, something really special.
i really like the “key to any relationship” quote. so true!
My favorite: try to not label feelings – see what it’s like. emotions are only labels.
When people label emotions they feel what they think they should feel not what is really there. It’s like boxing your feeling to one emotion and forgetting about the rest..I do that too sometimes, but I do it unconsciously so I’m trying to stop.
I was lucky enough to have an awesome professor too but yours sounds awesomer.
love your blog andrew [:
The same thing happened to me when I took my Interpersonal Com class back in the day. Life changing was not an understatement. I ended up signing up to teach the class for a few quarters, changed my major to COM and truly believe my relationships have grown exponentially because of that class.
My favorite take-away was personal responsibility. No one can MAKE you angry, sad, depressed, happy, etc. YOU choose how to react to them, and therefore choose your emotion and reaction. Thinking about life that way makes you feel much more in control of yourself and what goes on around you. And helps get you out of a bad mood pretty quickly.
You should see if your school offers an Advanced Interpersonal Com class. Mine did and it was just as amazing as the Intro one.
Andrew,
I’ve been following your growth through your podcast persons for a few years. You are doing well. You are also very fortunate to has such a great group supporting and challenging you. Laura gets extra credit for her influence.
Keep growing.
That was “podcast persona.”
Thanks for posting this
I learned a little about Maslow in English class only a few weeks ago, but we didn’t really discuss it much… now I really wish we had, it makes so much more sense now.
Classes like this are the reason I’m looking forward to going to university/college… there’s just so much more interesting subjects to do.
Thanks so much! I really appreciate that.
It’s all so inspiring! I’m really interested in taking a class like this now. And your whole environment with the class just sounds phenomenal.
Hey Andrew…..great post
I think you would enjoy NLP, sounds like your teacher drew from that too. NLP has some negative publicity being deemed as manipluative, getting what you want from people etc, but really it’s about communicating the best way you can and incorporates all those great “margin quotes” you listed
you’re awesome
Christopher
Andrew – amazing! I love how you were open enough to see that this class could (and sounds like it did!) make you a better friend, son, ect.
This is also as a comment to Caitlin..who wrote a comment on December 10th. Wow! Completely agree with you about the relationship should win, not you.
That also brings me to the point that Andrew made about how if the entire world took that course, it would be an amazingly more healthy place.
Thanks for posting that, Andrew! Loved it